Payback Page 22

  I thought this would be enough. I could drop an anonymous tip to one of the police hotlines and they’d find it, and he’d pay—I’d have fulfilled my promise.

  Life’s never that simple, is it?

  The next time I looked, it’d gone. Vanished. Poof. And even I couldn’t trace it. There was no way the police would. No way he’d finally get what he deserved. He had to pay, Helen. You can see that, right?

  I had to pursue him. Had to. This wasn’t just about Leah anymore. There were hundreds of images and films in his “collection”. And no one else knew about them. No one else was going to help them. Or give them the chance of a future that Leah never had. Maybe—just maybe—I could give them something Leah could never find again. Hope.

  I orchestrated a meeting with him, claiming I was putting out feelers for drawing up some plans for a self-build project.

  I felt nauseous when I saw the ring on his right hand. I even commented on it. He told me it was a family heirloom. Leah’s drawing had been surprisingly accurate. Sickeningly so. And every time it glinted in the light, I wondered how many times Leah had stared at it. Had she stared at that to stop herself from looking at his face? His body? To stop herself from thinking about what he was doing to her? Or making her do to him? How many other girls were tortured by the image of that ring?

  The questions just constantly zipped around and around in my head. And I had to make them stop. I had to make this right.

  The question was, how? Now that I had found him, what could I do to make it right? I thought about it for days. The evidence on his hard drive was gone. Leah was gone. How could I get the kind of justice my sister deserved all these years later? Without Leah around to point the finger, I realised that there was only one way: I had to get him to admit what he’d done. So I hacked into his alarm system, got to know his routine. Then, one night, I broke into his house to confront him. I had no idea what his reaction would be, or mine if he actually admitted the truth of it all to me.

  Nothing had prepared me for his rage when he knew he’d been found out. Although I didn’t physically touch him, you could say that my mere presence incited the accident that killed him. I just wanted to talk. I swear it. I just wanted to talk to him, to tell him who I was, and what I knew. I just wanted to get him to admit the truth of it all to me so that I could take his confession to the police. To get him punished. To get Leah justice. But as soon as I said my name, he went crazy. He knew who I was, and he started coming at me. He was so angry. I knew he was going to kill me if he got his hands on me, but I couldn’t move. All I could think was that this was the face that had abused Leah. This was the monster that had killed my sister when he stole her innocence. And I froze.

  It was his own effort to get to me that started it all off. It seems so trite now. So underwhelming. But he slipped. That’s all. Just a slip. But when he fell, he hit his head on the steps in his kitchen.

  He was dead as soon as he hit the ground.

  I know now that I should have just left without doing anything more, but I panicked. I felt trapped. If Jarvis was found dead, I felt sure it wouldn’t take long for the police to be at my door, considering how quickly I’d found him. I thought he’d be on someone’s radar.

  So I did the only thing I could think of. The most stupid thing in the world, as it turns out, but I disposed of his body and car. I knew from his emails that he was going away to a conference and took advantage of the extra time it gave me before he would be noticed as missing.

  I thought it was a reasonable plan. No, I actually thought in my panic-addled brain that it was a good plan. But that wasn’t all that went wrong that fateful night, Helen. Not by a long shot. Because there was also what happened to Kate.

  Although I played no part in the death of Kate Wolfe, I was present at the scene of her death. She was out jogging at night and was hit by a car. It was an accident. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  When you interviewed Malcolm Walters, he said he got drunk and drove around for a couple of hours after dumping Sandy’s body. I don’t even think Malcolm realised that he’d actually hit a person rather than a nocturnal animal. But the timelines and location all match. I just wish I could’ve seen the licence plate number to be able to give you certainty.

  I couldn’t just leave her there, sprawled across the road. After dumping Jarvis’s car in the quarry, I took her to her home. Again, there was no plan. None. I didn’t even know she was a police officer until I saw some mail at her house. Dr Nicholls will no doubt discover that Kate died months ago, her injuries consistent with being hit by a car, the same type of car that killed Sandy.

  The fear of what would happen when a police officer was found to be missing or dead forced me into making yet another panic-induced, stupid decision. I took her place. I hacked into the database, changed a few of her personal details to match mine. I thought six months in a small town would be uneventful, a good place to hide out if there was any fallout about Jarvis’s death. But, as we both know, it was anything but.

  I deceived you and many others, including Kate’s mother, for which I’m truly sorry. I’m making no excuses for my actions; I have only myself to blame. I tried not to involve you, Helen. I tried to stay away from you. I truly did. I fought my attraction, fought my feelings for you. I wanted to save you from the fate that no doubt awaits me. But in the end, I just couldn’t. It was all too strong. I had to touch you, to feel you, to know you. I needed to see that smile, hear you laugh, and hear you call me Virginia. Every time you called me Kate, I was equal parts elated and cringing. Because I knew it was an intimacy I craved but one I didn’t deserve. I just wasn’t strong enough. What I feel for you…it’s everything. Everything.

  I hope in time you can forgive me for what I’ve done. I know I was wrong. I know it. But it was an accident. I realise my words will mean nothing to you know, but it’s the truth.

  As I sit here and write this, I realise I’m no better than Malcolm Walters, considering how I’ve manipulated those around me to my own ends.

  I know that I’ve incriminated myself in writing this letter and that there is every possibility that you’ll come after me and no doubt catch me. You’re an outstanding police officer, and an even better person. You deserve someone every bit as amazing as you are. This may sound like an empty gesture coming from me, but I’ve loved being with you over the last few weeks. If I had to pinpoint the moment I fell in love with you, I would have to say it was the very first time you trapped me in my car when we were going for lunch. It still brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

  Please believe me when I say I didn’t intend for any of this to happen, and certainly not to fall in love with you, but I did, and I can never regret that. I just can’t. You’re too special to me to ever regret a single moment I spent in your company, in your arms, or that you’ll spend in my heart. I know you will feel it is your duty to find me, and I don’t blame you for that. What we have, or had, was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  Love always,

  Lexi Ryan

  Chapter 23

  Lexi Ryan looked at the Polaroid of her mother and sister. The dusky light penetrating the room allowed her to just make out their features. They looked carefree as they both laughed at the large cake in front of them. Her sister’s tenth birthday had been the last time she could remember them being happy. That Polaroid camera had been her favourite gadget at the time. In the low light, she could just make out the birthday card on the table in the background. Lexi had made it for Leah. She remembered writing double figures at last inside. Who could believe now how much the two-year age gap had meant between them back then?

  Tears pricked Lexi’s eyes. If she needed a reminder of why she had done all this, the looks on their faces were all she needed to see. Jarvis had taken so much away from her, but it seemed he wasn’t finished yet. Now she had to lose Helen too.

 
A more detailed look at Jarvis’s house could had saved her from all this. She recalled the moment she had seen the tiny camera on her final sweep of his house; finding the server, reviewing the footage of that night, she’d struggled to contain her rage. If she had found that camera earlier, she could have prevented a whole string of events.

  Not Kate Wolfe’s death. No, there was nothing she could have done to prevent that. She would still have been killed, and Lexi might never have met Helen—even if Helen did hate her guts right now.

  She felt terrible for hiding Kate’s body for so long, depriving her loved ones of the truth, of their chance to mourn the loss of their beloved daughter. Every email, every message, every recorded I love you from Kate’s mother had gnawed at her soul. But once she’d set out on that road, there was no turning back. Keeping Kate’s body in a fridge in the garage wasn’t the best idea, but there had been few options at the time.

  Lexi felt a shiver as she remembered the grinding of bones as she carried Kate to her car that night. She knew now that she should have just dumped his car on the nearest bit of coastline, but she was too scared of being seen, caught on CCTV, ironically. It was all too easy to blame Jarvis, but she knew that she had been the one to set these particular wheels in motion.

  Lexi tucked the photograph in her pocket as she thought about the task at hand. What could she really expect from Helen? She’d broken the law. Talked herself into her bed. And lied to her the whole time.

  Helen was a good police officer, trained to bring people just like her to justice. Nevertheless, she had to roll the dice. She couldn’t leave without a sliver of hope.

  Lexi knew she could very well be setting her own trap, but she’d still be there regardless. She was clinging to the hope that time would be a healer in what she had done. She trusted—no, she hoped—that Helen would see that she wasn’t a terrible person, she hadn’t meant it to go so badly wrong. She was just trying to keep a promise. Trying to right a wrong. To get a little justice for Leah—she deserved that at the very least. She would do anything to go back all those years and prevent her sister from ever meeting Jarvis. We all have a duty to protect the ones we love. She was merely performing that duty belatedly.

  She hoped the connection she’d shared with Helen was strong enough for her to at least hear her out. To give her a little time to explain face to face how hard it had been for her to continue with the deception, especially as she began to fall in love with her. She needed Helen to know that more than anything.

  Lexi thought back to their first meeting at the police station after the fracas at the house fire. Helen had been firm but fair despite Lexi’s stupidity. She’d been physically attracted to Helen from the very start. Combined with her keen acumen and sense of humour, the attraction had drawn her in so easily. She wasn’t sure how many people Helen shared her playful side with, but Lexi felt honoured to be amongst them. All the teasing, ‘the alphabet game’—she’d walked right into that one. She recalled the fear in Helen’s eyes after the scuffle with the knife. Lexi had never had that kind of connection with anyone before. She wanted that in her life.

  She wanted Helen.

  Helen crossed the road from the pub, having been dragged there to pay her respects at the loss of a fellow officer. In truth, she’d lost much more than that. The letter she’d received two days ago was playing on her mind too much for her to spend time with her colleagues. She needed to be alone.

  She walked down the short path towards her house. She hadn’t realised how dark and desolate it looked. It had been such a good investment at the time, overshadowing all the negatives that she now saw in the darkness. How had she been so stupid to fall for a total fraud? Beautiful? Yes. Charming? Certainly. But still a fraud regardless of the circumstances.

  Helen knew that if any inconsistencies were found after the post-mortem, they would be swept under the carpet. The chief constable could never let it get out that there had been an impersonator in their midst, even if she had helped solve several crimes along the way. Kate Wolfe would be notched up as a promising officer taken before her time in a terrible accident, her past indiscretions forgotten. Maybe that was best for all of them. Including Helen.

  A sharp pain emanated from her chest at the thought of never seeing Kate—no, Lexi. She would never see Lexi again.

  How could she have gotten it so wrong? She knew how to read people, didn’t she? Not this time, apparently. Somehow, Kate had slipped right under the radar.

  Flicking on the hall light, Helen threw her keys on the small table in the hall before walking towards the kitchen. Just because she wasn’t in the pub didn’t mean she couldn’t have a drink. Walking past the door to the sitting room, she saw the flash of a lamp turn on. Freezing in her tracks, panic rattled through her. She was unsure of what to do next.

  Her colleagues were less than two minutes away. But a lot could happen in two minutes. Helen frantically rummaged in the inside of her coat until her hand rested on the handle of the extending baton. The other hand gripped her mobile phone. She quickly brought up the directory. Before she could select a number, a familiar voice broke the silence.

  “Don’t call anyone. Not yet. Please,” Lexi’s voice pleaded from the dimly lit room.

  “What the fuck? What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone.” Helen struggled to hide the anger from her voice. She hadn’t anticipated seeing Lexi ever again, never mind right now—in her own house. She heard movement as Lexi came into view, framed by the doorway. She released her grip on the baton but kept it in easy reach. After all, she didn’t really know this woman at all.

  “I couldn’t leave without seeing you first.”

  Helen stood still. Not moving. Not speaking. What was there to say? I love you but I don’t even know you? Yeah, that should be a good place to start.

  “You found the key?” Lexi asked, her tone sounding hopeful. Helen saw the dark circles under Lexi’s eyes as Lexi trailed her fingers along the edge of the door; it had been locked on her last visit, the key missing in action. It was the same door they had made love against only a few days before. Things were so different then, but as she now knew, they had already begun to crumble as soon as Jarvis’s car had been discovered in the quarry.

  Helen nodded reluctantly. “Found it in a pickle jar in the fridge.” She decided not to mention the fact that she had spent the previous night sleepless and had scoured the house for the misplaced key, as if it would somehow allow her to make sense of the recent events that had blown her world apart.

  “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. I just wanted a chance to explain.”

  Helen looked at the floor, unable to meet Lexi’s eyes. “Didn’t you already do that in your letter?” she spat out. She knew deep down that there had been something troubling Kate—no, Lexi—before the fire. She’d even offered to help at one point, but she couldn’t get her to open up. Helen reluctantly looked up, meeting Lexi’s gaze.

  “I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you face to face, but I—I guess I thought you might arrest me.”

  Helen pushed, “Shouldn’t I?”

  Lexi looked down at her hands. “Probably, but I couldn’t do that to my mother. I’m all she has left.”

  Helen let out a breath. Not only was Lexi guilty of unlawful burial, concealing a death, impersonating a police officer, and possibly murder, she was also a terrible daughter. Daughter—that word resonated with her. What about the real Kate Wolfe’s mother? She’d never really know how her daughter died. But that wasn’t all she was. Whatever the truth of Richard Jarvis was, Lexi had believed that he was the man who had abused her sister. The vague details in Lexi’s letter haunted Helen, and she’d never known Leah Ryan. How hard must it have been to be in Lexi’s position? Knowing he was out there, still torturing children. Still ruining lives. Never facing justice or punishment of any kind for his crimes. Never having to face the conse
quences for the children and families he destroyed. What would she have done in Lexi Ryan’s position?

  It was the question Helen kept coming back to. Over and over again. What would she have done had she been face to face with the man she believed had done all that?

  “You’re a good hacker, I’ll give you that.” Helen’s voice went bitter. Even she could hear it. “Much better than your file suggests.”

  Lexi’s brow knitted in confusion.

  Helen felt the venom in her mouth as she spoke. “Hacking into the police database, changing Kate’s details to be ready for when you took her place, then changing them again before you left. Very tidy.”

  “I’m sorry for all the deception. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. If there was any other way I could have changed it, I would have. Please believe that. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I hated lying to you. I hated it. I wish—oh, I wish so many things now—but most of all I wish you and I had met under different circumstances. Not like this, where everything has just spiralled…”

  Helen rubbed her eyes, hoping to clear her mind of the conflict she felt. She knew she should arrest Lexi. She had a lawful duty to report a death, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Helen had checked her story as best she could in the short time she had spent at her desk—when she wasn’t at the scene of the fire or trying to console Kate’s family. There was indeed a young girl called Leah Ryan who had claimed to have been abused by a man just as Lexi’s letter had said, daughter of a single mother and sister to a Lexi Ryan. She’d even managed to find Richard Jarvis’s previous addresses from the DVLA. He was resident at a London address the same time as Stone, but was it enough? Did it really justify what Lexi had done to Jarvis, let alone the real Kate Wolfe? And then there was the web of deception she had spun. Self-defence could be very difficult to prove. People never walked away with their lives intact.